August 31, 2006

From there to here.....................

Do you ever wonder what twist and turns that life takes you have led you to THIS place in your life?

I have been thinking of that a lot lately. If you had asked me ten years ago (heck, even 2) if I thought we would ever be pursuing a Chinese adoption, I would have looked at you like you were crazy. Yet here we are.....13 months ago we started this process and now have new plans, dreams, and a great new group of friends. This post is a look back at how we traveled from there to here.....

As you know Paul and I married very young. We were full of hopes, dreams, and plans to have the standard 2 kids (a boy and a girl), a dog, and our own home complete with picket fence. We began trying to get pregnant shortly after we were married and just had the old mantra "When it happens, it happens". We had been traveling this path for a couple of years before there was even a thought there might be a problem. Lo and behold, I went to the doctor and it was me! We attempted minor things to correct the problem, after all I was still in my early 20's and had plenty of time. We traveled that path for a couple of years and then decided to get Paul checked out as well. Hello!!! Problem there too!! We could have saved a lot of time and frustration (not to mention money) had we done this at the beginning but as they say hindsight is 20/20. We corrected Paul's problem and started over from the beginning. Now we are mid 20's but still with plenty of time left. We were both established with our jobs, secure in our marriage, financially stable so the setting was perfect. Now all we needed was a pregnancy. Fast forward a few more years, multiple procedures, mounting medical costs, and months of heartbreak. At what point do we throw in the towel? Can we admit that maybe we are not meant to be parents? Where do we turn now.........

Adoption was not something we had really ever considered. We had heard too many stories of changed minds, bad outcomes, and extremely long waits that never came to fruition. International adoption was so far out of the spectrum for this small town couple that we never even explored that...

A couple of years ago, shortly after I turned 30, Paul and I made a deal: no talk of children, no talk of medical procedures, nothing for 6 months. We were each to search our own hearts and feelings and at the end of that 6 month period we would have a "revealing". A time when we could both express our true thoughts, goals, and plans for the future. We stuck to the deal and for 6 glorious months the stress and strain of infertility was gone. We were spontaneous (you know what I mean), care-free, and just enjoying each other. At the 6 month deadline we were on a cruise and I will never forget that evening. We took a walk along the deck after the sun went down and staring at nothing but the stars and the open ocean we had our big reveal. The words Paul said to me will be forever in my heart and memory. With tears in his eyes he told me how much he loved me, how he could not imagine life without me, and how if it was just the two of us for the rest of our lives he couldn't imagine a happier life. Sure passing down a legacy was important, and we had always dreamed of children but you know what? Dreams change and the love we have for each other and the life we have built made him an extremely lucky man. Little did he know that I was about to convey the exact same thoughts, after much soul-searching I had come to realize that I too was very lucky, and the love and security I had found with him made my life complete.

For the next two years children were a passing thought in our minds, if by some miracle we became pregnant we would rejoice, and although we would still love to be parents that was not our focus or our priority. Life was going along so smoothly until one day.......

That one particular day last summer my dad mentioned that a co-worker of his was adopting from China and it was like a great big lightning bolt zapped both of us. At that moment Paul and I looked at each other and said "That's it!!" "That's what we are supposed to do!" We did not know where to begin, what all it would entail, or anything else remotely related to Chinese adoption. We just knew that this was the path we were supposed to travel. We started gathering information from various agencies by just doing internet searches. As fate would have it, we requested a packed from Great Wall and they were having an adoption seminar two days after the packet arrived. By this time we had done a lot of praying about this and were secure in our decision to pursue our child. We attended the seminar and like sponges we sat there and absorbed everything. After the seminar Kelley (who was the GW regional director at that time) asked if we had any questions. Of all the information we had received, the steps that needed to be taken, the forms that needed to be filled out, the only question we had of her was "We are both meat and potatoes people, will there stuff for us to eat in China?" We still laugh about this with Kelley to this day. Of all the superficial, meaningless questions you could ask and we were worried about food..........I guess that goes to show that we were finally on the path truly intended for us!! We filled out the application that afternoon and the following Monday started the process.

We have never looked back, we have never questioned our decision, and we are just anxiously awaiting that wonderful call that we are parents. Our family support has been phenomenal, finances have come together in a way I would have never dreamed possible, we don't even think of pregnancy anymore, because OUR child is waiting for us in China, born to another woman but born in our hearts on that fateful day last summer when my dad mentioned in passing his co-worker's adoption.

So that folks is what led us from there to here..............................

4 comments:

Valerie said...

After knowing you, I can see why Paul loves you so. You are such a warm, caring, vibrant and loving woman, and how very lucky Avery will be to have you for a mom. I love your story, and I know it is just a chapter in what will be a wonderful tale of a family based in love.

Erin said...

Your husband is such a wonderful man. I am so thankful to know you. You are sweet, funny and so loving. And I am thankful to Avery for bringing you into my life.

Kelley said...

Oh geez...first, I'm boohooing over at Erin's and now you got me boohooing over here! I'm so glad that you came to that seminar and that we met at just the right time that we were supposed to meet. You and Paul are absolutely amazing and will be wonderful parents because as we all know...dreams really do come true and prayers are answered. Love ya!

Christie B. said...

Girlfriend....shoot, I love this story. It's almost as beautiful as you and Paul are to me. I love the heck out of you two...you make me laugh, you have the finest southern charm I have yet to see in Texas, and you're definitely going to make the most wonderful parents. There is no doubt in my mind. Now, can we please fast forward to the part when we all have our girls home and then we get together for a MWL?