August 28, 2008

Slowly but surely.....

I can see and feel my old self emerging back into this crazy thing called life. It has been a rough few weeks but hopefully we are getting back on track. Thanks again for all the wonderful support, and comment during this time. They really helped me alot!!

I know I am way behind on blogging and I have a ton of pictures to share. I think I will have the opportunity to catch up this weekend. Until then let me just give you a sneak peek.

Tonight was Kelby's first football game of the season. Even though they lost he did awesome and he had the cutest cheerleader ever in the stands rooting for him.

Practicing her pom pom shake and yell!

Go team go!!

We are blessed beyond measure to have been chosen to be parents to this wonderful little girl. She is a fireball of personality and is growing and changing everyday. Earlier this week we celebrated 5 months since Gotcha Day. Has it really only been 5 months? Looking back a pictures from that day Avery has already changed soooo much. They really do grow up in the blink of an eye.

Hope everyone is having a good week. Thanks for checking in!!

August 21, 2008

Happy Birthday Dad!!!!!!!!!!!

56 years ago today the world was turned on it's side: Daddy Wayne was born....and things have never been the same since!!

Happy Birthday Dad, we love you and hope you had a wonderful day!!!

August 18, 2008

Party Crashers.....

My cousin Terria's bible study class had an outing last Friday night for go cart riding and miniature golf. They generously invited us to tag along. We met 2 other awesome couples and they were so nice and welcoming. We went to an indoor go cart track and competed in several races. There were some competitive spirits but no crashes. After our races were over we play glow in the dark miniature golf complete with 3D glasses!! As you were putting your ball the random 3D images would jump out at you. It was a very unique experience.

Avery way very entertained by the the video game section. She spent several minutes crawling all over this light board.
Do we have a dancer in our future?

At one point she even lay down and rolled across it to see if more lights would come on.

Here we are inside the golf course.

Obviously it was all pirate themed.

Tracy and Terria pose for a picture.

The group (minus me) at the last hole.

After we left the facility we all went to a local Mexican restaurant for a late night snack. While there we watched the Olympics on the big screen and watched Michael Phelps win the 7th gold medal. The entire restaurant erupted when he was declared the winner in that race.

Amy, Brian, Tracy, Paul, and of course Joe and Terria thank you so much for letting us tag along with you guys. We had a wonderful time!!

August 17, 2008

The end of the bath seat

Since Avery came home we have been using a bath ring type seat in the bathtub. She will sit in this seat and entertain herself for up to an hour. She has a ton of bath toys and seems to get alot of enjoyment from them. I usually use this time to relax or complete a couple of household chores. I do step out of the room on occasion but not for more than a minute or two and can hear her splashing and visualize her often. Saturday night I stepped out to her room (right next door) to change the crib sheet. When I left the room she was safely in her bath seat playing away. I heard a large amount of splashing and laughing and entered the room only 30-45 seconds later to find this:
so I guess that the bath seat will now RIP and mommy will have to stay in the room with my little houdini. Yes that big blue thing to the left just floating around is the bathseat that I "thought" was her restraint.

Good thing I always have the camera with me because when I turned around to put it up after taking the above picture she decided she was no longer content just to be sitting there. And this is what I saw:
"Look Mom, I'm more mobile everyday!!"

So long to the long leisurely baths, hello to getting in cleaning up and getting out!! Her new thing is to take the pitcher we use for rinsing hair after shampooing, fill it with water, and pour it OUTSIDE the tub.

Our little mischief maker!!!!

Thanks for checking in!!

August 14, 2008

The AMAZING Ashley!!!!

Last Saturday Paul, Avery, and I had our first "official" family portraits made. I won't repeat the story of how we met Ashley because you can read about all over there. Ashley was wonderful and took a ton of pictures of us. She told me she would have a sneak peek available this week and then I would be able to view all of them in the next couple of weeks. I have waiting with baited breath for the sneak peek to be ready. I normally am very critical of pictures of myself but I have to say these pictures are amazing. Go on over and look for yourself. All I can is: "If the rest are half as good as these 5 I better start working alot of overtime because I will be dropping a ton of $$$ on pictures".

Thank you soooooo much Ashley. You were fabulous and so talented!!

Check out our sneak peek here!

August 13, 2008

Still around.....

and feeling better everyday. Once again, thank you...thank you...thank you for all the supportive comments. It really did make me feel a ton better!!! Avery continues to brighten our days with her bubbly personality. She had her 15 month check up today and weighed in at a whoppin' 22 lbs and is 31" tall!!!

Until I get a chance to post a longer entry I will leave you with a couple of cute pictures we took today:
Do you think that orange may be my "signature color"?

For dinner we went with Paul's parents to eat at a local BBQ joint. It is decorated in all nostalgic stuff, as a matter of fact the high chair that Avery used was the same type that Paul had when he was a baby. The highlight of the meal came at the end when Avery rode the electric horse for the bargain price of 1 penny! We are such big spenders that we let her ride it twice!!
Avery's first electric horse ride!

Hope everyone is having a great week!!

August 6, 2008 wow!!!!!!

Thank you so much for all your comments and support!!! Not only the comments you see here but I also received several emails from family and friends. It really does make me feel better to know that so many of you have felt the same way. Maybe, just maybe I am normal after all. (Not that I would EVER clasify myself as normal) Ha!Ha!

Like everyone I have my good days and my not so good days but I guess that's really just life!

I just have to look at this sweet face and know that all the up and downs are totally worth it!!!

Happy Wednesday!!

August 5, 2008

Coming clean........

So here’s the scoop: If you visit my blog to see adorable pictures of my daughter skip this post. I am about to get all emotional with you. My thoughts are all over the place today so just bare with me and hopefully a little of this will make sense.

Over 2 years ago when I started this blog I made a promise to myself that it would be a “real” account of my life and our wait for Avery. In that time it has turned into a journal for me not only the story of our adoption but really the story of our life and now our journey of parenthood. Looking back at old posts I can reflect on happy times we had, sad times, times of frustration and practically every emotion on the spectrum. It amazes me how many little things that have happened in our lives in the last 2 years that I totally forgot about until I saw them here. I always wanted a blog that people would enjoy reading but at the same time did not want to sugarcoat or make light of hard times that we may face.

The past month or so I have not really been true to my original plan. Sure I have posted multiple fun and cute pictures of Avery, but most of posts have been “fluff”. The truth is that I have really been struggling these past few weeks. I have been having a hard time redefining myself as a mother while still trying to be a good wife, employee, etc. I never dreamed how much my life and everything I knew would change once my dream of becoming a mother finally came true.

I have always been a person that sees the cup as “half full” and try to have a positive attitude. Yes, I am one those obnoxious people who believe that keeping a positive outlook on life makes it a whole lot easier!! This too has been a struggle lately.

Please don’t get me wrong I love my daughter!! She truly is a dream come true!! With that being said, PARENTHOOD IS HARD!! I will be the first to admit I am a little set in my ways and sometimes a little stubborn too. Well, all that really went out the window the day I became a mother and it has been difficult for me to let go of some of that structure and routine.

I think I was stuck in the “waiting” mode so long that I never really imagined this dream would ever come to fruition. Throughout the struggles with the decision not quit the decision to adopt; it seems that we always had obstacles and when the wait for Avery lengthened it was almost “expected” that something would go wrong and we would never be blessed with a child. What I did not prepare myself for was the actuality that someday I would become a mother. There would be a little person that depended on me for everything, that needed me, that cried for me, that expected me to meet her needs when she could not even communicate them. That my friends was a major wake-up call!!

My personality is to give 110% and if I don’t think I will be good at something I usually don’t even attempt because after all who likes to fail? This is where my struggle of late comes in. I don’t think I am good at this motherhood thing. Yes Avery seems happy, yes she is developing and progressing at a very rapid pace, yes she appears very attached to both me and Paul. So from the outside looking in it looks like we have it all together. It’s the inside (of me at least) that is crumbling. I am just totally overwhelmed and instead of facing my fears head on and just pushing through I am keeping it all in (until now at least!) and being miserable inside. I have had several crying episodes recently which is very unlike me.

Then comes the guilt. Oh my goodness: the guilt!! We prayed for this child, we cried for her, our hearts yearned for her. We had so many people support us on this journey that it was unreal. And that is why “fessing up” about these feelings has been so hard for me. How can I ask for your prayers and support for over 2 years and then when the dreams is finally realized admit that I am struggling in this new role?

I am sure I am not alone in all these thoughts and feelings (at least I hope I am not!). I was even talking to a co-worker last night about all my insecurities and as a mother of 3 almost grown kids she admitted that even when #3 came along she still felt inadequate at times. Let me tell you that made me feel a whole lot better!!

I guess all this rambling to say that I am in a very weird and unfamiliar place right now but things are starting to look up. Actually talking about my insecurities instead of keeping them all in and having other mom’s admit that they feel or have felt the same way is bringing me comfort and boosting my confidence a little at a time.

Let me end this by saying I love my daughter!!! I would do the wait all over again in a heartbeat to be blessed with Avery. God’s handiwork is truly evident in placing her with us because she is so “our daughter”. I am just a typical (?) new mom trying to define and adjust to this new life.

So that’s where I am right now…….what’s going on under the surface.

Okay going to hit "publish post" now before I chicken out!!

August 1, 2008

Avery cuteness

Sorry for the lack of posting, there are a ton of things swirling around in my head right now. Instead of boring you with all that (which I'm sure I will later)I will just give you some Avery cuteness to tide you over:

My mom took the first 2 pictures of Avery when she was watching her this week.
Our little poser!!

Could she be any cuter??

Avery has always been a difficult "napper" she never wants to stop moving to take a nap. Yesterday this is how she looked when she finally gave in:
She took the entire nap sitting straight up in the corner of our couch. I didn't move here for fear I would wake her.

Earlier this week Avery was playing in her room alone for just a few minutes. Paul and I "thought" we had her room as a safe zone. Only toys and non harmful stuff was accessible to her. Well....weren't we wrong?? Paul heard her whimpering and walked into the room to find this:
How did this basket wind up here? Ignore the's her early morning do!

You can tell I have made an impression on him because instead of immediately helping her he had to take pictures first.
I think here she is expressing "put down the freakin' camera and help me daddy!"

Hope your week was a good one. Have a great weekend!!