This weekend we will start painting Avery's room. I have mixed emotions about this.
On one hand I am very excited. I have a ton of ideas and with what we have planned I think it will be a beautiful room. I can't wait to see my little girl in there.
On the other hand I am very scared. After being on the infertility roller-coaster and having so many hopes and dreams dashed, actually starting a room is a big step.
I think actually having a room will make it seem "real". Over the years Paul and I have purchased various baby items and then when we did not achieve pregnancy these items went into a closet. With stuff in a closet you don't have to see it, it's not "in your face" taunting you. A whole room is a different story. I am not the type that will close the door and not enter. I am sure I will be in and out of that room many times and I am not sure what I will feel. Will I just sit and dream of my daughter half a world away? Obsess over the wait? Plan her life from gotcha day until college?
I am not a pessimist by nature, but I think that I have been so heartbroken over the years that I have built a wall around my emotions related to being a mother.
Part of me now realizes that adoption has been the plan for Paul and I from the beginning. We just didn't know it. We battled infertility and ran into almost every obstacle possible. Once we surrendered control and prayed about God's plan for us (instead of OUR plan) the path became clear. We had an almost effortless paperchase. Finances have come together in a way I never dreamed possible. The support we have received from family and friends has been awesome. The new friends we have met in the adoption community are godsends.
Sometimes the adoption path seems to good to be true. I keep waiting for the ball to drop. Someone to tell me there is a problem. The only variable I have come across is the wait. But you know what, we have been waiting 14 years what's a few extra months?
Here we go, we will start the room, we will put our heart and souls into making a loving, happy home for our daughter..and when she comes home she will know as much love, safety, security, and happiness that we can provide.
So these are my ramblings for today. I hope they make sense. Sometimes the words don't exactly mirror the thoughts. What can I say? This is me!
Remember to send those creative vibes this way.
5 comments:
I have also waited 14 yrs for this baby and like you said, whats a few more months... Our nursery is just about finished and I love to sit in there and dream about my baby. When im feeling sad I go into her room and it perks me up!
I'm sending more than creative vibes. I'm sending tons and tons of prayers! You will find that her room becomes a comfort and a retreat for you to dream about her and be close to her when she is a half a world away. And then, when you are in that room rocking her to sleep, you will remember those times fondly. It just makes you that much closer to your little miracle. Hugs! Erin
Oh, your "ramblings" make perfect sense. They could be my very own words. You will find yourself in Avery's room dreaming about holding her, staring into her little face and planning for her future. No obsessing allowed! After seeing your guest room, I don't think that you need any creative vibes sent, but I will send prayers and hugs!
Hi Robyn,
We have waited 13 years, and I know how you feel. We finished our nursery in November...and I think I did it too soon. You are starting at a good time, enjoy the creation of a safe haven for Avery.
Valerie
hi, good vibes to you..
my husband and i also have been waiting along time to be parents.. I also feel this was Gods plan all along. Good luck to you. Our dtc was 12/06/05.
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