Beat Down....

WARNING: This post is likely to contain negative thoughts, whining, and other general non-fun stuff. If you only want to read happy, go lucky, "all is right with the world" posts stop reading now.

When I first started this blog, I stated that I would use it as an honest outlet for the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is a journal of our life, our quest to become parents, and eventually our journey with Avery. I am at a place right now that is definitely "the ugly".

A stork alert came today for families registered June 29 through July 13. While I am happy for those families, I am just beat down with the whole adoption process. I have held out hope that after things started slowing down that "the wait" would not extend past 12 months. When the CCAA finished matching through June 28 in June I thought this is it now we will start having full months again and that will put us right on the 12 month wait point. Then came July and only half the month was matched. That blows my theory right out of the water. Who knows how long this wait will extend, who knows when we will finally be able to see our daughter’s face. Who knows anything at this point????

Paul and I are both just plain po'd (sorry for cussing, Grammy and Daddy Sonny). Upset that we finally thought we would become parents and now the due date keeps extending and extending. Upset that we hear all these stories of orphanages being at capacity yet referrals coming slower and slower. Upset that we think we are good people and would make awesome parents yet we can not make that dream come true. Upset that…..well, you get my point. We are just plain po'd in general!!

What makes this wait even harder are the endless questions of "Have you heard anything yet?" "What is taking so long?" "When are you going to China?". I know people mean well and we are lucky that we have so much support with family, friends, and co-workers but it gets frustrating. I do not mean to hurt anyone’s feelings by saying this I am glad that people see genuinely interested but I am just tired. Tired of explaining, tired of trying to justify, tired of waiting and searching for every little piece of information, tired period. I can assure you that when we do finally hear something you will not have to ask. We will be shouting it from the rooftops!!

So….that’s where we are right now. We still have a great life, we still have more blessings than we deserve, we still have awesome family and friends, we just still want our daughter.

I am sure when the raw emotion of this months referral batch wears off we will be back in that jovial, happy, crazy atmosphere.

Until then…………